Your Relationship With Money Starts Before You Are Born
Most people think money is a thing. A collection of coins and notes. Numbers on a bank statement. A salary arriving at the end of the month. A mortgage payment, a pension, a savings account or an investment portfolio.
Yet money is much more than that. Money is a relationship, and that relationship starts before you were even born.
By the time we enter the world, we are stepping into a family with an existing relationship to money. We are already surrounded by beliefs about money, conversations about money, worries about money, opinions about wealthy people and poor people, and ideas about what is possible and what is not. Money is present in our environments long before we understand what money actually is.
As children, we absorb all of this. We don't sit down and decide what we believe about money. We simply absorb the environment around us. We learn whether money feels safe or stressful. We learn whether it is discussed openly or avoided altogether. We learn whether there is enough, whether there never seems to be enough, whether success is admired or criticised, whether wealth is something to aspire to or something to be suspicious of, whether taking risks is applauded or staying safe is rewarded.
Long before we develop our own relationship with money, we are living inside somebody else's.
The first time you become aware of money, you enter into a relationship with it that will stay with you for the rest of your life. Like any relationship, it develops over time. It is shaped by experience. It is influenced by the stories we tell ourselves and inherit from others. It affects how we feel, how we make decisions and how we move through the world.
For some people, money feels supportive. For others, it feels stressful. Some people avoid looking at their bank accounts. Others check them constantly. Some people feel comfortable charging for their time and expertise. Others find themselves undercharging, overgiving and wondering why they are exhausted.
What's interesting is that these relationships often have very little to do with the amount of money involved. I have met people with very modest incomes who feel calm, confident and in control of their finances. Equally, I have met people with substantial wealth who live with constant anxiety and fear around money.
The difference is rarely the number. The difference is the relationship.
Many of us carry money beliefs that we have never consciously examined. We hear phrases such as "money doesn't grow on trees", "we can't afford that", "rich people are greedy" or "people like us don't have money". We hear them often enough that they stop sounding like opinions and start sounding like facts.
Over time, those beliefs become part of the lens through which we view the world. And beliefs influence behaviour.
If you believe money is scarce, you will experience money differently from somebody who believes opportunities are abundant. If you believe financial success comes at a personal cost, you may unconsciously hold yourself back. If you believe your value is determined by what you earn, every financial setback can feel deeply personal.
Most people assume their financial decisions are rational. In reality, many financial decisions are emotional.
We buy things because they make us feel successful, secure or accepted. We avoid certain conversations because they make us uncomfortable. We stay in jobs that no longer fulfil us because financial uncertainty feels frightening. We undercharge because we are worried people will reject us. We overwork because we are trying to prove our worth.
The numbers are often the visible part of the story. The relationship underneath is where the real story lives.
This is why financial confidence has very little to do with mathematics. Most people can learn how to budget. Most people can learn how a pension works, or figure out how much they need to save for a holiday. Most people can learn how to create a cash flow forecast.
The harder work is understanding how we feel about money in the first place. Before we can fundamentally change our financial situation, we often need to understand the beliefs that shape our financial decisions.
And that takes us into another relationship entirely. The relationship we have with ourselves.
The two are deeply connected.
Over the years, I have observed a close connection between money and self-worth. People who value themselves tend to value their time. They find it easier to establish boundaries. They are more comfortable asking for what they need. They are less likely to tolerate situations that diminish them.
As self-worth grows, financial confidence often grows alongside it. As confidence grows, decisions change. As decisions change, outcomes change.
One of the greatest misconceptions about money is that it creates happiness.
Money creates choice. It creates options. It creates flexibility. It can provide breathing space and reduce certain pressures. It can allow us to make different decisions about where we live, how we spend our time and the opportunities we pursue. Money is a concept that exists outside of us.
Happiness comes from somewhere else. Happiness is a feeling that sits inside our bodies and minds. It comes from purpose, connection, contribution, growth and a sense of alignment between who we are and how we live. It comes from purpose, relationships, contribution, growth and self-acceptance.
Money can support those things, but it can neither create them nor replace them. It can only help facilitate us to make choices.
A healthy relationship with money is built through awareness. It begins when we become curious about the beliefs we inherited, the stories we absorbed and the assumptions we have carried for years without questioning them.
It is about understanding money for what it really is: a tool, a resource and a form of exchange. It is about removing fear and replacing it with confidence. It is about making conscious choices rather than unconscious reactions. Because the moment we become aware of those patterns, we gain a choice.
Most importantly, it is about recognising that the relationship you have with money often reflects the relationship you have with yourself.
When one improves, the other often follows.
Perhaps the most important financial question you can ever ask yourself is not:
"How much money do I have?" or "Can I afford this?"
But:
"What kind of relationship do I have with money?” and “What kind of relationship do I have with myself?"
Because changing these relationships can change far more than your bank balance. It can fundamentally change the way you experience the rest of your life.
Work With Me
Money confidence is about far more than budgets, spreadsheets and financial products. It is about understanding the beliefs, experiences and behaviours that shape the financial decisions we make every day.
Through Money Confidence Workshops, individual mentoring and organisational wellbeing programmes, I help people develop a healthier, more confident relationship with money and the choices it creates.
Book a discovery call to learn more.
